i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
