He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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