my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Your cock deserves a montage
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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