how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
