even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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