I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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