He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
