you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
