I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
