what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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