im six kinds of drunk right now
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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