Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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