I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
The struggles of a small town man whore
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
