Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
