dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
