I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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