dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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