I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
