I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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