You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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