If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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