careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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