Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
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All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
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But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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