Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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