Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
