When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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