Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
