I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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