i will never coherently bang her
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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