he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
