Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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