I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
