Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
