take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i came on her dog
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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