Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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