I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
They are going to name an STD after you.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
