he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
