Someone shit on the floor
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
