remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
