would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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