I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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