I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize