After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
