my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
