We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Where is the hickey?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You took a bar mat shot.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
