how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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