Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
