My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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