if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
