Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you made out with another girl for some wings
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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