i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
