i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
