I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
