I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
