I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
