when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
