I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
