True but thats because hes a fetus.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
