Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
