Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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