I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
