dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
